ZEN FOR THOSE WHO TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY

 

        Many have pursued inner peace and serenity through the philosophies of Zen.  Some of us who are inherently cynical can benefit from a bit more twisted take on extended philosophies.  Thanks to an email from a Crackers friend, we have some even more expanded food for thought in the quest for enlightenment this morning.

 

1. Save the whales.  Collect the whole set.

2. A day without sunshine is like – NIGHT.

3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

4. I just got lost in thought.  It wasn’t familiar territory.

5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

7. I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

8. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

9. Remember.  Half the people you know are below average.

10. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

11. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

12. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

13. I drive WAY too fast to worry about cholesterol.

14. Support bacteria.  They are the only culture some people have.

15. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your week.

16. A clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory.

17. Change is inevitable – except from vending machines.

18. Get a new car for your spouse – it will be a GREAT trade!

19. Plan to be spontaneous – tomorrow.

20. Always strive to be modest – and be PROUD of it!

21. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple payments.

22. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis?  Raise my hand! 

23. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

24. How do you tell when you are out of invisible ink?

25. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. 

26. When everything is coming your way, you are in the wrong lane.

27. Hard work pays off in the future.  Laziness pays off NOW!

28. Everyone has a photographic memory.  Some just don’t have any film.

29. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

30. How much deeper would the ocean be if there were no sponges?

31. Eagles may soar, but weasels do not get sucked into jet engines.

32. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

33. I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.

34. I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

35. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

36. Inside every old person is a younger person who is wondering what happened.

37. Just remember.  If the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.

38. Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

39. Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day.  Teach that person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.